9.02.2006

.0001% of my future is certain

I read a story about a lesbian woman who went on foreign study and had an intimate relationship with a straight man. Others who read the story expressed confusion about the logistics of such a relationship. "But she's gay!" they insisted. "She can't do that!"

A particularly wise woman made a comment that clarified an issue which has caused me some heartache. She said, "It's very possible to have an intense moment of passion with someone while still affirming the opposite emotion."

She meant, naturally, that kissing a boy would not un-gay this lesbian woman. If anything, because she felt relatively unmoved by the act, it only offered further proof that she is, in fact, homosexual.

Recently, I have ventured into the world of casual sex and found it to be anything but. It can actually be quite stressful, or at least the obtaining of it can be. Sex is a fantastic and exciting thing. It's wonderful to get to know a new body. Engaging the senses to consume someone previously unknown. Living a life without passion, one might as well be dead.

And yet, the further the territory I choose to explore, the more I am sure of what I know is my home. I only hope, when we get to the end of this road, that he will still feel the same about me.