8.07.2006

I have this friend, see. . .

I have this friend. Uh. Jane.

This morning, Jane called me because she had a thought that she needed to share with someone and she thought I would understand.

Now, mind you, Jane just recently got out of long relationship and she's sort of new to the musings of the single folk, so be patient with her. Jane recently acquired a lover that she really enjoys. He's a nice guy and a great lover, but she doesn't want a relationship with him. He is in the middle of a divorce and certainly does not want a relationship, though she's never actually talked to him about that sort of thing.

Anyway, Jane has never been on a date with. . .uh. . .Guy and she doesn't really think she wants to go on a date with him, but she would like to continue having sex with him whenever the occasion arises.

So. This morning, after kissing Guy Lover goodbye and walking away, she turned for a moment and watched him walk in the other direction. She had a most visceral feeling at that moment that wasn't sadness or anger or anything she could specifically name. But the feeling was so strong, she could not help but believe in its truth.

Jane is leaving town for a few weeks and this would be the last time she would see Guy Lover before she goes. And as she stood on the sidewalk inhaling the fumes of August in New York that exact a Hezbollah assault on the nostrils, she realized she would probably not be enjoying this lover again. She felt what she could only ascertain to be the end. The end of the affair.

She called me because she wondered if all affairs have to end. If you know someone that you truly enjoy and like to have sex with but don't ever really need to have a meal with or talk on the phone with. Someone you don't expect anything from except sex whenever it is convenient and available. Does the affair have to end? Beyond scheduling trysts, how do you make it known that you want to maintain a sexual relationship with someone that you don't have any real investment in or know at all without salaciously misrepresenting onesself? And if you feel disappointment that you don't get to have sex with this lover whenever you want, does that mean you care about that person?

Jane, I said, I don't know the answers to these questions. But I'm sure someone in the anonymous internet public would like to comment.