Veronica Sawyer: Heather, why can't you just be a friend? Why do you have to be such a mega-bitch?
Heather Duke: Because I can be.
-- "Heathers," 1989
This has been too frequent of a topic here at Miss Hag., but I write about what's going on. So. Blame the universe.
I have a request to women of the world. A request and a theory.
Last Friday night, I had a very bad experience with a woman. It angered me and then it made me very sad. It, in fact, made me cry. I am writing about this simply to set up my train of thought on this topic. I am not throwing a pity party. And, I sincerely appreciate how wonderfully kind and supportive you all can be when I am feeling down on myself. However, I must emphasize that I am not writing about this topic because I want you to tell me you love me just the way I am (though I thank the heavens that you do). It is not necessary to comment on this aspect of my post.
I am writing this because I want to make a request.
I had been running around the restaurant last Friday. Being a waitress. Dropping off food, filling water glasses, etc. The restaurant is small. When it is busy, there is very little space between people and tables and chairs.
As I passed through a set of tables, I brushed up against a woman's chair and she announced, loudly and pointedly to the people at her table, "Eww. That girl is too fat to get through."
Now, any sensible person (male or female) would and should be angry about this. I certainly was. But that's not the point of this post.
The point of this post is simply this: Ladies, stop. Let's just stop.
My theory? I don't know who or how or why such behavior has perpetuated, but we still inhabit a society in which women consistently view each other as enemies. As competition. As The Evil Other Woman. And we treat each other viciously.
It starts in school and it continues in business and life. Have you ever noticed that so many successful women always insist that they were "tomboys" and that normally only have "guy friends." That is because these women view other women as a liability to their own trajectory.
Women get dirty. We tear each other apart. And to a degree, such competitiveness can be motivational. Maybe even inspirational.
My only request is, let's agree that certain punches are simply unnecessary. If you want to challenge another woman's work because you disagree with her viewpoints or if you want to motivate another woman to expand her intellectual horizons. . . Fine.
But, let's drop the catty, petty blows about each other's appearance. If we continue to sum each other up by the value of our visual worth, than we will continue to lose opportunities to be more than just pretty faces. Or thin bodies. We will perpetuate ridiculous standards of beauty.
And if you must be so judgmental, then continue to think what you want about another woman's appearance. But, keep it to your damn selves, will you?
File under: Catty, Heathers.