7.13.2005

Threesomes Are The New Monogamy!

I submit for your consideration:

From "Another Roadside Attraction," by Tom Robbins. The protagonist, Amanda, discusses her sex relationship with her husband, John Paul --

"As long as it's done with honesty and grace, John Paul doesn't mind if I go to bed with other men. Or with other girls, as is sometimes my fancy. What has marriage got to do with it? Marriage is not a synonym for monogamy any more than monogamy is a synonym for ideal love. To live lightly on the earth, lovers and families must be more flexible and relaxed. The ritual of sex releases its magic inside or outside the marital bond. I approach that ritual with as much humility as possible and perform it whenever it seems appropriate. As for John Paul and me, a strange spurt of semen is not going to wash our love away."

As I noted a long time ago, in college, I espoused notedly bohemian ideals regarding monogamy -- believing firmly that monogamy was a Puritan constraint forced on society to control female sexuality. I don't completely disbelieve this idea today, but I understand now that there is some merit to monogamy in committed relationships. However, I still can't help but wonder how many problems arise from the draconian strain that arises from forcing persons in a couple to diminish their desires to be with more than one partner sexually.

So many of our current television shows and movies seem to signal the dying gasps of traditional monogamy. Films like, "Seeing Other People," and "We Don't Live Here Anymore," at least allow the dialogue to be addressed. In every media example I have viewed, the relationships in question eventually rescind their sexual flexibility and return to the original format of tradition.

But the question remains: Is there a way to reconcile extracurricular desires within a monogamous, committed relationship?

My Sraight Boyfriend and I have frequently discussed the idea of having an "open relationship." It seems, within a lot of the homosexual relationships I know, there are immense allowances for activity outside of the romantic bond. (Blow jobs don't count, darling!) They seem to be able to forgo jealousy and possessiveness to allow their partner to indulge in "meaningless" activity.

But, heterosexuals seem to be less compliant, my own relationship included. Straight Boyfriend and I have made small attempts to be less than traditional, but it is exceedingly difficult. The key is, of course, honesty and communication. But, I have often wondered if there is a way to recondition the heart and the mind to not feel any amount of jealousy. To be completely secure and open.

So, I pose the questions to you.
Is monogamy a natural state?
Are "open relationships" realistically impossible?
Putting aside the health implications: is there a way to have another person enter the bedroom without also allowing in the beasts of jealousy, insecurity and doubt?
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From the film, "Kinsey." Here, Dr. Kinsey discusses findings based on interviews ("histories) with women subjects --

"In bonobo chimpanzee--our nearest primate relation--sex is the glue of social cohesion and peace. Cleared of notions like romantic love or religion or morality, their society's behavior hangs together as a coherent unit of biology and conditioning. Based on the experiences of females who have contributed to our histories, we have observed a wide range of motivations for extramarital coitus.

At times, it is a conscious or unconscious attempt to acquire social status. In other instances, it gives them a variety of experiences with new sexual partners who are sometimes superior to their marriage partner. There are occasions when it is done in retaliation for the partner's extramarital activity or for some sort of nonsexual mistreatment.

Some females discover new sources of emotional satisfaction, while others find it impossible to share such an intimate relationship with more than one partner.

We have also encountered a significant number of cases in which husbands encourage their wives to engage in extramarital activities in an honest attempt to give them the opportunity for additional sexual satisfaction."


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WHAT I SPENT TODAY (Wednesday, July 13, 2005)
$0.50 -- One Daily News newspaper.
$4.17 -- One fruit salad and one mixed berry scone from the Fluff bakery.
$1.83 -- Tip to the counter girl at Fluff.
$1.75 -- One Essential Vitamin water
$4.99 -- One pint of Ben & Jerry's Peanut Butter something or other for the Straight Boyfriend.
Total -- $13.24 (Yippee! I did well today! g8s made me dinner so, THANK YOU!)
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Another photo of July's Homo du Mois, Shawn: