Miss Hag.

7.19.2005

Manada (Copyright pending.)

WARNING! THIS POST IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A REPRESENTATION OF HATRED TOWARDS STRAIGHT MEN OR AS A FORUM FOR MALE-BASHING. THE IDEAS AND CONCEPTS CONTAINED HEREIN ORIGINATED FROM A STRAIGHT MAN. IT'S ABOUT MAKING THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE.

Betsey channels Marilyn. Photo by Patrick Burlingham.

A little over a year ago, Betsey's brother, Ben, who is straight and has a PhD., told her that he wished all men were forced into one place to just work all their problems out so that we could have peace in the world. She told this story to me and Patrick as we were picnicking in Sheep's Meadow in Central Park.

There, we hatched an idea that has since grown into a full fledged way of life. It has taken on such complete scope, that Betsey, who works for the Humanitarian Response Unit of the United Nations, has even proposed the idea at UN meetings:

MANADA

This is how it works.

Residents of Canada will be relocated to whatever destination they want in the world and given wonderful severance reimbursement for their troubles. Realizing that this may cause a logistical nightmare, keep in mind that this whole project has indispensible finances from which to draw upon. This newly evacuated land to the north of the United States is renamed, "Manada."

Henceforth, all male born babies in the world are sent to Manada to be raised after spending a few years care with their biological mothers. During their younger years, the boys spend time living off the land and learning about nature. This will foster a greater appreciation for the environment and the planet and also teach basic survival skills. As the boys mature, the focus becomes on relationships within society.

This new world allows all men to explore their sexual feelings in a nurturing and accepting environment. Any boy who has any sort of homosexual fantasy or tendency (which will probably be every boy) will be allowed to explore his desires with other boys without fear of being beaten and tied to a fence. We recognize that if males are all raised amongst each other that a majority will realize they are, in fact, gay. This is fine. The lowered number of heterosexual males in the general population will be an asset to controlling the world's overpopulation as there will be fewer procreators.

The core instruction and guidance in Manada will be executed by Amazon lesbians. There will also be a panel of gay men and straight women who will judge the progress of boys. They will teach everything from language (multilingualism will be required) and industrial arts to table manners and aesthetic appreciation. The Amazon lesbians will be loving and caring as needed, but also strict and demanding with the boys demonstrating a need for more discipline.

Those boys determined biologically heterosexual will be allowed periodic visitation with females as they mature. There will be training in things like, "How to Speak and Listen In a Mutually Beneficial Manner" and "How to Treat the Clitoris."

(It's NOT number 5.)

However, the thrust of this idea is not just about superficial benefits. Manada is a means to a peaceful future. The state of war is a product of men. As Betsey states herself:

"Armed conflict is characterized by men. Men fighting other men. I heard a wonderful quote the other day by a humanitarian worker. He had been talking to a Palestinian woman and had asked her when the conflict would end. Her answer: 'As soon as Palestinian men love their children more than they hate Israelis.'

Armed conflict contributes to: increased rates of HIV, decreased or no
access to health facilities and life saving care/medicine, maternal mortality, child abduction, trafficking of women and children, sexual exploitation and violence, including rape, food shortages, breakdown of family structures, poverty, health, nutrition, psychological concerns, loss of state and citizenship, and countless other issues, which we, largely, do not even have to think about."

Yes, I know what you are saying, women are not perfect. Women could benefit from a little programming as well. This is true. However, with Manada in place, the rest of the world will be predominatly female. Countries and nations will be lead by women. And, barring the influence of men in their lives at critical stages, it is expected that the female of the species will be freed of the insecurities and neuroses that impede their existential evolution.

The ratio of male to female humans will be in flux depending upon the rate of progression through Manada into the outside world. It will not be a case of constant separation of the sexes. Each boy will be re-released to the general population at different ages, depending on his individual progress. However, each will have the opportunity to see family as necessary.

And for those of you wondering, there will be males of the species who will not be helped by Manada -- truly homocidal, maniacal men. These men will be banished to what will then be called, "Manarctica."

(I am posting this today because a new book came out this week called, "Man Camp," which takes a chic-lit approach to our idea and focuses on a sort of "Straight Girl for the Sraight Guy" approach to Manada. People are constantly stealing my million dollar ideas, so. . .well, now you know the truth, dearest Miss Hag. readers. Mwah!)

(Also. . .to all my straight male readers. . .you know the Hag. loves you just the way you are. Right?)

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What I Spent Today, Sunday, July 17, 2005:

$1.00 -- Daily News
$11.00 -- Cab ride home from work. (I know, I know...stop with the cabs. Save some money)
$1.00 -- Tylenol PM (Yes, buy a big bottle of it already.)
$36 -- Half hour back massage and 10 minute foot massage at my favorite Qi Gong spot.
$20 -- Tip to my massager.
$3.50 -- Medium soy latte from Fluff cafe.
$1.00 -- Tip to barista.
$6.84 -- Crappy salad from the Amish Market.
$9.00 -- Cab ride to work. (Yes, I know there is a subway in Manhattan.)
Total -- $89.34

What I Spent Today, Monday, July 18, 2005:
$0.50 -- Daily News
$9.00 -- Cab ride home from work.
$9.25 -- Egg white omelette with tomatoes from the Renaissance. Take-out, including tip.
$9.00 -- Cab ride to work.
Total -- $27.75

What I Spent For One Week -- July 11-July 18 ---------> $388.75
$57.00 -- Cabs
$14.00 -- Subway cards.
$122.50 -- Food, Beverage and Tips
$195.25 -- Other, non bill items.

Looking at these figures just makes me feel kind of sick. Like when you crave some sort of junk food and then realize what a waste it really is. But then, that other voice takes over and I think...Oh, fuck it. What's it all worth, this counting (pennies and calories)?

link * Miss Marisol posted at 3:51 PM * posted by Miss Marisol @ 3:51 PM |