10.26.2005

Is This Thing On?

"If you don't post, I don't know what's going on in your life."
-- A Friend of Mine

About one thousand times over the last week or so, I have sat down to write something and ended up grinding my teeth together and staring out the window counting the yellow cabs that whiz down Ninth Avenue.

I started this blog as a means to express myself a little bit each day, but now that someone besides g8s reads these words, I feel some pressure to produce something beautiful and meaningful and funny every day.

I'm not going to sit down and make a laundry list of my every day life. I could tell you that my live-in-long-term-soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend is going on vacation to San Francisco for a week tomorrow and that I am ecstatic to have the apartment to myself. I could tell you that I have broken down in tears twice in the last week at work because I am losing my mind. But, really, who hasn't? I could tell you about toxic relationships and reaching my limit of compassion.

I have started many many times to write about every little thing that has popped up in my brain lately: why we haven't impeached Bush over the Valerie Plame case, how many glasses of champagne I can drink in an hour, the themes and motifs of the screenplay I am writing, my opinion on chestnut cream crepes.

But, the only thing I can seem to feel or hear right now is static. The sun is shining, but it looks like rain to me. And as much as I want to write something beautiful for you all, the only thing I can seem to grasp is silence.