Miss Hag.

3.29.2005

Ahh....The Midwest...

I seem to keep encountering these insane news stories and the all seem to come out of the Midwest. Having spent a portion of my life in that area, I can't say I'm surprised. This is the kind of place where there will be an ice storm in the morning, a heat wave in the afternoon and a tornado at night. It can make you a little kooky.

For example:

In Michigantown, Indiana (wait...it gets funnier), pet shop owner, Bryan Dora, claims that a turtle who survived a fierce fire that killed 150 other animals now sports the face of the devil.

According to reports:

They say the intense heat of the fire revealed distinctly Satanic eyes, lips, goatee and pointed devil horns on the shell of the creature, now named Lucky. Lucky lost two tank mates in the pet shop fire, but he, somehow, came through the ordeal unscathed. Owners Bryan and Marsha Dora plan to sell Lucky to the highest bidder.

The couple saw their exotic pet business gutted by the fire and most of their animals killed.
After discovering Lucky's markings, Mr Dora became convinced their turtle was not alone that night.

"The marking on the shell was like the devil wanted us to know he was down there," he told the Frankfort Times newspaper, Indiana.

"Regardless of the cause, I feel the devil was present. To me, it's too coincidental that the only thing to come out unscathed would have this image on it."

Mr Dora and his wife believe it was the heat of the fire which may have caused Lucky's shell to change colour, revealing the new markings.

(Wait...it get's worse...)

In a bid to use his story to help rebuild their shattered business, Bryan Dora produced a DVD, called "The Pet Shop Story of Lucky the Turtle", which he plans to auction on eBay.
Unable to sell Lucky because of eBay rules against selling live animals, Mr Dora plans to offer the turtle to the highest bidder in an off-line sale.
It is unclear to what extent Lucky's Satanist credentials will enhance his sale value.

In Royal Oak, Michigan, pastor Mark Byers of the Calvary Church urges his parishioners to bring their guns to church. This was brought to the attention of the Royal Oak police because Byers also admits that he allows senior staff at the church's day care and school to carry concealed weapons. Pastor Byers claims that he brings his own handgun to church and keeps it on his person while he is preaching. Apparently, his gun once fell down his pant leg and he just kicked it under the pulpit and kept on with the sermon. His son, David Byers, stated a week ago, "If you can't get behind the vision of the leader, you are in the wrong church."

And finally, in Bay City, Michigan (home of Madonna!), a 12-year old boy pummeled the Easter Bunny at the mall. Bryan Johnson, 18, who portrays the Easter character at the Bay City Mall, suffered a bloody nose. He kept his cool during the attack, deeming it inappropriate for the Easter Bunny to fight back. But he's not willing to forgive and forget. "They (the sheriff's deputies) told me it was up to me, and I feel that the boy should be prosecuted," Johnson told The Bay City Times.
Johnson told Bay County Sheriff's deputies that the boy hit him in the face at least six times before running away.

The same thing happened to an Easter Bunny in a mall in...wait for it...Wisconsin.

link * Miss Marisol posted at 12:40 PM * posted by Miss Marisol @ 12:40 PM |